i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
