After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
