My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
