finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
