I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
