i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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