i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
