I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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