i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
