i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
