you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
