I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
50% drunk capacity currently
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
