Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm like, not good at living.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
