i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
