The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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