If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
