Well douche your snatch and let's go!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
