I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
