You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i love accidental penises.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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