I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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