Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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