NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
