For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
