man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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