I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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