If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
