just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
