I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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