Redeem this text for a blowjob
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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