I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
