let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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