Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
