He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
