He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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