Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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