dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
