I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
