Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
