i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
