She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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