You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
