Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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