I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Drake has all the answers
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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