Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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