I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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