This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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