I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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