I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
