operation harelip BJ is a go
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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