a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
did i just pee glitter
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
