I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
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